


I Know The End Is Near

by coffingrrl



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Literally like 3 ppl said they wanted this so its happening, M mostly for language and drug use, M/M, Mentioned Ozai (Avatar), Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Russian Doll AU, Sokka as Alan, Zuko as Nadia, no beta we die like men, yes i am pro azula redemption hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26894911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffingrrl/pseuds/coffingrrl
Summary: “Hey man, didn’t you hear? We’re about to die”“It doesn’t matter, I die all the time”OrOn the night of Zuko’s 25th birthday, he dies, but wakes up unscathed back at the beginning of the night. Little does he know that across the city, Sokka is experiencing the same thing. The two have to find each other and figure out the never-ending time loop they’re stuck in.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so as preface i haven't written fic in years but this was living in my head rent free. I changed up the timeline of the show, and I have them as benders still but it's not a crucial part of the story. also, the title comes from I know the end by Phoebe Bridgers. I made a little playlist for this to listen to while reading hehe, enjoy!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2aAZdu0hv14s64AMiN09K8?si=rK1JZob0SYaPv8_kaIZjEQ

Zuko looks at himself in the mirror of Mai and Ty Lee’s Republic City apartment, the watering running in the sink is all he can hear over the sound of the music playing over the speaker. He takes in his appearance, long black hair longer than his fathers ever was, tired golden  eyes  and an angry red scar  on a pale face, he’s cladded in all black (how chipper he could hear in Mai’s drawl) with the doc martens to match, a gold necklace hangs from his neck a small 24 karat gold flame pendant hangs from it and a few rings on his fingers. 

“Let’s fucking do this.” He says to himself as he shuts off the water in the overly pink bathroom. He opens the door and is met with a sea of people; friends, acquaintances, people he’s never seen before to celebrate his 25 th birthday, the cursed birthday. 

“There’s the birthday boy.” Ty Lee says with a smile, she’s standing in the kitchen with her girlfriend Mai and  Zuko’s on again off again sister passing around what  Zuko assumes to be a blunt. 

“Where were you hiding?”  Azula asks him as she shoves his shoulder. 

“The bathroom. It’s extremely pink, has it always been  _ that  _ pink?” He asks. 

“No, Ty Lee wanted to give it a, what was it? A feminine motif.” Mai responds as she lets out a puff of smoke, and hands the blunt over to  Zuko . He takes a quick drag, and makes a face. 

“What is this?” He asks, handing it off to his sister. 

“It’s a joint laced with coke, that’s how they do it in Ba Sing Se, or at least that’s what my girl said.” Mai answers. “It’s a little shared gift for you.” 

“Thanks Mai, but you know coke and I don’t mix too well together, I get a little  _ too  _ euphoric.” 

“You seem preoccupied  Zuzu , what’s up?” Azula asks. 

“Besides the obvious,  Druk is missing again.” 

“He’s a street cat, he’ll come back.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll check at the corner store later and see if Aang’s seen him around.” 

So, how do you like the party?” Ty Lee asks as she runs her hands through  Zuko’s long hair. 

“It’s nice, thanks for doing all this.”  Zuko says with a half-smile. He quickly finds himself distracted by the booming voice of his uncle as he walks through the door.

“Happy birthday, Nephew!” He says giving him a tight hug then moving to give  Azula one as well. 

“Thanks, Uncle.”  Zuko smiles and moves to go and talk with his uncle alone. 

“I didn’t know they invited you.” 

“They did, but I’m only here to stop by quickly to say hi and give you this.” He replies and puts a small bag in his hands.  Zuko can smell that it’s jasmine tea, probably one of those fancy one’s Iroh always keeps for special occasions. 

“I came to see how you are, we always knew this birthday was going to be strange.” Iroh says hesitantly. The words of his late father circle his brain. 

“ _ You’re so weak  _ _ Zuko _ _ , you’ve always been the weakest link this family has ever seen. You were lucky to even be born, if you live to be twenty-five, I’ll be shocked maybe I’ll even fucking keel over. Maybe if I’m lucky, you’ll be gone long before that”  _

Zuko was ten when his father uttered these words to him for the first time, only a few months before his mom left, and a few years before he would cease to see his father. Zuko made it to twenty-five, and Ozai died several years ago alone in a prison cell. 

“It feels odd, but I guess I proved him wrong.”  Zuko chuckles. Regardless of if he hated his father, his death still hit him in a strange way. It brought his sister back into his life to live with him and uncle, but also made the strange guilt  Zuko felt surrounding his  relationship with his  father flare up and never quite go back down. 

“You prove him wrong every day, all the time, nephew.” Iroh says giving him a quick, tight hug and soft kiss to the crown of his head. “I’ll be visiting with your sister, then I’ll head back out. Happy birthday, baby boy.” 

“Thank you, again.”  Zuko says with a soft smile, as his uncle walks over to  Azula . 

Zuko has the strong urge to hide out in the bathroom again, or vomit, or both maybe. Instead, he puts the tea in his coat pocket and goes to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. He always says he’ll stop, but he knows he won’t. 

When he gets out there, he’s not alone, there’s another man there. 

“Hey.” He says as he puts a cigarette in his mouth , he summons a small flame to his finger to light.  The guy nods at him in response.

“Is this your party?” He asks. 

“Uh, yeah,”  Zuko replies as he takes a drag. “I’m  Zuko .” 

“I’m Haru.” He smiles, and sticks out his hand,  Zuko takes it and gives him a quick handshake. Not too soft, not too hard like his father always taught him. 

“ _ Your handshake is one of the most important parts of doing business,  _ _ Zuko _ _.”  _

Zuko looks the man over, he’s cute. Tall, long brown hair, broad shoulders, and strong arms. The two  stand in silence for a few minutes checking their phones and smoking their cigarettes. 

“Do you know what this building was before  it became apartments?”  Zuko asks to start a small conversation. 

“No, more apartments?” He  chuckles. 

“During the war, it was a meeting place for Fire Nation leaders, then after the war, it became an  important cultural center. Then it became abandoned and now it’s apartments. A Fire Nation legacy, I guess” 

“Fire nation, huh?” Haru asks. 

“Yes, sir.”  Zuko says. 

The two men look at each other, eyes  raking  over the other. 

“Liking what you see?” He smirks. 

“Yeah. I am.”  Zuko replies,  Zuko can do hookups . Sex is easy, easier than making real connections, and a little more fun. 

“Wanna get out of here?” He asks. 

“I thought you’d never ask.”  Zuko licks his lips and stomps the cigarette out. Haru takes his hand and leads him out towards the front door.  Zuko makes eye contact with the girls and winks, they give him a quick thumbs up. 

“I just gotta stop at the corner store real quick before we get back to my place.” Zuko says, lacing his fingers with the mans as they walk down the stairs. The two walk together the few blocks from Mai’s apartment to the corner store by Zuko’s loft, sharing laughs and passionate kisses at crosswalks. 

The two walk into  Gyatso’s and go their separate ways to quickly grab a few things. Water,  cigarettes, cat food, condoms. 

“Hey,  Aang .”  Zuko says as he sets everything down. 

“Hey,  Zuko ! Happy birthday.”  Aang smiles , the bald boy a few years younger than  Zuko had become a good friend to him after he started frequenting the store for late night cigarettes and words of advice. 

“Thanks, bud.” He replies, his attention is pulled over to the sound of breaking glass and he sees a tan man with his brown hair up in a tight wolf tail, clearly drunk off his ass staring down at the mess. “Your friend alright?” 

“Yeah, he’s just having an off night.”  Aang frowns. “Have fun.” He winks as he hands over the bag. 

Zuko and Haru make quick work to get to his apartment, once the door closes  their hands roam over each other’s body. Warm hands running over cold skin,  passionate and sloppy kisses on each other’s lips and necks. Each other m oving to remove their clothes,  Zuko takes the hairband around his wrist and puts his hair into a  loose bun. While there’s attraction, there are no real feelings which is why  Zuko always gravitates to this kind of love. 

As quickly as it’s started, it ends.  Zuko lies half-naked on his bed playing with the necklace , Haru sits on the floor on his phone. 

“Thanks for tonight but, I’m gonna split.” He says getting up. 

“Thanks for making it a memorable birthday.”  Zuko laughs . The two share a quick kiss, the kind where they know if they’re lucky they’ll never see each other again. 

“Happy birthday.”  He says halfway out the door. 

Once again,  Zuko is alone.  Solitude is good for him, he’s better by himself anyways.  The night will proceed like any night, he’ll smoke another cigarette or two or five, brew a cup of tea maybe the one Iroh got him,  call his sister,  and  pass out. 

Except it doesn’t, after an hour he get the urge to get out, an unknown force pulling him. “Fuck it, I’ll just look for the cat.” He says to himself as he puts back on his shoes and coat. He locks the door behind, puts a cigarette in his mouth (these shits really might kill me, he thinks to himself), and starts walking. 

“ Druk ! Come home, daddy misses you.” He calls out to a still crowded street even this late at night. 

Every few feet he calls his name looking up and down until he sees it. A small  bundle of orange fur looking at him from across the street. 

“Druk, you shit head.” He laughs and goes to cross the street. His feet hit the pavement, and all he can hear is the screech of tire breaks and the last thing he sees is bright lights before the impact of the speeding car hits him and he collapses, dying in the street. The world goes dark.

When  Zuko comes to, he’s standing in front of the mirror in Mai and Ty Lee’s bathroom, water running over the music playing. 

“What the fuck .” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay chapter 2 is done :-) jet makes an appearance in this one. sorry if this is a little incoherent i wrote this chapter in the middle of the night lol. the outfit zuko wears later is supposed to be that little red fit nadia wears in the show.

Zuko leaves the bathroom, everything the exact same as it was what only feels like a few hours earlier . The overwhelming sense of déjà vu tugs at his stomach, making him feel as though he’s going to vomit up the little food he’s eaten in the past 24 hours. 

“There’s the birthday boy!” Ty Lee smiles.  _ Everything is the same, why is everything the same?  _

“What’s in that fucking joint?” Zuko asks. 

“It’s laced with coke like how they do it in Ba Sing Se.” Mai answers. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s  making me enter fucking psychosis.” 

“Psychosis? Zuzu, you haven’t even had any yet. Are you feeling alright?” Azula asks. 

“ I don’t know. I think I’m tripping right now, I’m not supposed to be here I swear I died.” Zuko answers his chest tightening. 

“ Alright, let’s get some air.” She says taking his arm and pulling him outside to the  balcony. 

“Breathe, Zu.” 

He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was even holding in . “I’m scared.” 

Azula puts her hand on Zuko’s, a small act of affection for her.  “He still lives in our heads like a parasite, turning everything good to rot.” She whispers. 

Zuko let out a laugh, everything their father touched always turned to ash , he was always able to ruin everything including his children. 

“Yeah.” He whispers. “I guess so.” 

He leans over the balcony, to try and get more air in his lungs, and before he knows it he’s falling headfirst. He can faintly hear his sister's voice screaming his name and everything goes dark. 

He’s back in the bathroom, faucet on, the pink of the bathroom giving him a headache. 

“What is happening?” He whispers to himself as he shuts the water off again.  His father swore he would be dead by 25, and now that he's here, he can’t seem to stay dead. 

Zuko rushes out to his friends in the same spot in the kitchen they’ve been in the past three  times he’s experienced this moment . 

“I can’t stop dying.” He pants.  “And I thi nk it’s because of that.” He adds pointing to the  coke laced blunt. 

“Jeez  Zuk , that’s pretty bleak. But, yeah we’re all slowly dying.” Mai scoffs. 

“No, like  I’ve died  two  times in less than 24 hours.” 

“What?” Ty Lee asks, raising her eyebrow. 

“I got h it by a car, then I fell off the balcony  when I was talking to Azula.”

“ Wouldn’t I remember if I saw you fall to your death?” She asks matter of factly. 

“Are you alright, you’re sounding a little crazy. I mean you haven’t even had a hit ” Mai states. 

Zuko rolls his eyes at the comment, he always hates being called crazy it comes from years of mental abuse and gaslighting, and what hurts more is he knows that Mai knows this. 

“Fuck you, you know how I feel about that.” 

“All I’m saying is you sound crazy, dying twice in one night? Wouldn’t at least one of us actually know what you’re talking about?” 

“You know what, I’m fucking leaving, I’m really not going to sit here and take this shit from you.” He says,  motioning towards the door. 

“You can’t leave, this is your birthday party.” Ty Lee says, her voice sounding hurt over the fight between Mai and Zuko. 

He stops in his tracks  and clenches his fists, he can feel the heat forming in his hands and wills it to stop. 

“Fine.”  He says and unclenches his fist.  He can hear  Azula mumbling something to Mai and her scoffing. 

“Come here.” She says  and walks with him into the hallways outside Mai’s apartment. “She doesn’t mean anything by it.” 

Zuko bitterly laughs, “Sure.” He  puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it, putting the pack out for  Azula who takes one and lights it with her own blue flame. 

“No one understands how we feel except us.” She says as she lets out a puff of smoke. 

“I guess, it’s just shit because she’s been my friend forever and she knows how I feel .” 

“She loves you, we all do, but none of us actually know how to express that  well.”  Azula sighs. She hardly ever says she loves him, not unless she really means it. 

“I love you too,  Zula .” He smiles.  She opens her arm to give her older brother a tight side hug . 

“You’re going to get through this. Now, you have a birthday to celebrate. ” 

And celebrate he does. Zuko spends his night drinking, smoking, laughing with his friend, and pushing their fight out of his head with bitter drinks and  hits of anything anyone offers him , except the laced blunt.  As Zuko stands in Mai and Ty Lee’s  living room, only half-listening to some girl he’s never met before tell him a roundabout story, more focus ed on twirling the  flame pendant that used to represent the honor of his family he feels a soft hand on his shoulder.  He darts around only to be met with  brown eyes he’d once loved so dearly. 

“Jet?” 

“Hey, Zu.” He chuckles, toothpick in his mouth. 

“When did you get here?” 

“Just now, happy birthday. Spirits you look great, your hair has gotten so long.” He answers twirling a finger around a piece of Zuko’s hair. In the months since their break up, his hair had grown from his shoulders to  mid-back, he kept it this long because he saw his mother in the mirror instead of his father. 

“Yeah, that kind of thing happens. Who, um, who invited you?” Zuko asks, biting his lip. 

“Ty Lee .” He answers. 

“Why?” 

“I sort of thought or I guess hoped you asked her to invite me?” Jet answers as he shuffles awkwardly under Zuko’s amber gaze. 

“ No. I  definitely  did not ask her to do that. ” Zuko replies trying to conceal his frustration, he twists the  jade ring on his  finger. 

Jet’s eyes flash sadness, but he quickly tries to conceal his sadness with a  smirk. “Well, maybe it’s just luck that I’m here.” 

Zuko scoffs, “I  highly doubt that. Luck has a tendency to work against me.” 

Jet goes to open his mouth but is cut off by  Azula as she comes up to speak to her brother. 

“Zu, I’m about to head- Jet?”  She asks as she puts on an irritated face.

“ Azula . Always a pleasure.” He sneers. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Zuko, I’m going home .” 

“Okay, be safe.” 

“Sure thing, happy birthday.” She replies giving him a  short  hug and  a quick kiss on the cheek. Zuko waves at her as she walks towards the door, he thinks to himself that she’s definitely drunk to show this much affection in one evening. 

“I should go too, it’s late.” Zuko sighs. 

“Let me take you home, I barely got here and I want to talk to you.” 

“Fine. Give me a minute.” Zuko replies, he goes to say a quick goodbye to Mai and Ty Lee giving them both a tight hug and thank  yous . 

The two leave the party in silence walking side by side , the night air kissing their faces. 

“What do you want to talk about?”

Jet pauses before answering, “Us, mostly.” Zuko groans in response . 

“What is there to talk about ? We didn’t work out. ” 

“You don’t think there could be anything left between us?” Jet asks. 

“No, actually I really don’t. If you recall, you think i’m an abyss and  quote a fucking black hole of a person , and  _ just  _ like my father EVEN THOUGH you never knew what a shit person he was.  Look, Jet, you’re a decent guy and you mean well and I wish you all the best, but  _ this shit  _ is never fucking happening again.” Zuko replies, turning around to walk backs while keeping eye contact with Jet. 

“I’m sorry about that by the way.” Jet winces. 

“It’s fine, it’s really not the worst thing s people have said to me . Its just that I can’t believe you’d have the nerve to think I’d want to fucking get back together with you after all that and another fucking thing-“ Zuko never gets to finish the sentence as he falls , head colliding with the pavement and the world  goes dark,  only to wake up in the fucking pink bathroom , a  small trickle of blood coming from his nose. 

“Motherfucker!” Zuko shouts , slamming his hands on the sink. 

He leaves the bathroom, doomed to live the same night over and over again until the drugs leave his system. Cursed to be wished happy birthday for the rest of eternity. Cursed to fight with Mai constantly and be  reprimanded when he wishes to leave the party. 

Zuko leaves the apartment to go home and sleep the drugs off only to fall to his death on the stairs, then fall again, and again, and again, until he decides to give up and  crawl out via the fire escape and makes the  trek home. 

“Okay, Zuko, you’re fine. You’re fine. You just need some sleep, you’ll be fine once these drugs leave your body.”  He says to himself as he practically sprints home. Only to collapse into his bed when he gets home squeezing his eyes shut to will himself to sleep , eventually, he does. Dreams of his father  and burning flesh  taunt his  tired mind. 

When he wakes up, he’s more excited than he’s ever been to have lived through the night. 

“See that wasn’t so bad.” He says to no one in particular.  Getting up he goes about his morning, brewing his coffee, cigarettes, and toast for breakfast,  and putting out food for  Druk even if he’s still missing. He gets dressed in  a red button-down, black pants , black jacket, and his same boots. 

He checks himself in the mirror, but his attention is broken by his phone ringing.  _ Mai.  _

“Good morning party ditcher. I’m calling to check on you, you seemed really out of it last night.” She says. 

“Hey, yeah I’m okay I think I really needed to sleep. Also, who did you get that  laced blunt from?” He asks. 

“Okay so technically I’m not supposed to say because she’s  quote on quote not selling anymore but,  Toph .” She answers. 

“ Toph is selling again?” 

“Apparently so, why?” 

“I need to ask her about that coke, I think that’s why I was so out of it yesterday.”

“Good luck.” 

“Thanks, love you.” 

“Love you too bitch.” She says and hangs up the phone. 

_ Toph _ _. _

So Zuko starts the trek to  Top h’s ‘office’  which is really just the basement in her shared home.  As he walks the morning air filling his lungs, he moves carefully in an attempt to keep himself as safe as possible.  He keeps his distance from everyone, stays far from the curb, and has his eyes constantly alert until he hits her house. He knocks once, twice, three times. 

“Fuck, I’m blind, not deaf.”  Toph exclaims as she throws open the door. 

“Hey,  Toph .” He says awkwardly. 

“Sparky! Come in.” She smiles and moves to the side to make room. 

“So what can I do you for? Here to buy some of my new metal art?” She ask s, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“No, but I need to ask you about something someone else bought. Those laced blunts, there’s absolutely nothing else but coke in them? No hallucinogens?” He asks. 

“ Man, I told her not to say shit. No sparky, there’s nothing else in there. Why?” She sighs. 

“I , uh,  had some and was tripping. I swore that I died like six times and kept coming back to life.” He  replies, rubbing his eyes trying to get the memories of each death out of his head. 

“That’s not supposed to happen. Did you take anything else?” She asks, concern in her voice. 

“ Nothing that would make me trip like  _ that _ .” 

“I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not on my end? Maybe you should go to a headshrinker like your beloved sissy .” She says nonchalantly. 

Zuko can feel himself getting irritated,  the feeling he gets when he’s being accused of being crazy. But, maybe everyone is right maybe he is crazy. “I don’t know.”  He says.

“Well, is there anything else I can do for you?” She asks. 

“Yeah, actually have you seen  Druk ?” 

“Well, I’ve never seen shit.”  _ He set himself up for that one.  _ “But, no he hasn’t come begging for food around here. Sorry.” 

“Damn. Alright, well thanks anyway.” He says, moving towards the door. 

“ Smell ya later, Sparky boy!” 

So if it’s not the drugs that's doing this then  maybe it’s his father or all his forefathers cursing him, maybe  they’re trying to ruin his life from the other side as to say how dare he try to live. Maybe they’re mad he celebrated his life in the old  Fire Nation center. 

Zuko let out a big sigh, puts a cigarette in his mouth, and decides maybe he should talk to one of those  Fire Nation historians on 5 th street.  He begins to make his way when he feels his phone ring.  _ Jet.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! the next chapter will be up soonish   
> you can find me at coffingrrrl on tumblr :-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow 2 chapters in the same week who am i   
> this chapter has a lot of jet/zuko but also sokka comes at the end   
> enjoy :-)

He groans and opens the call, “ Hello? ” 

“Wow. Hey. I went to your party last night and you weren’t there I wanted to see you.” 

“Of course you did.” He replies, moving to sit  while he takes the call so he can focus on not dying in the street. 

“Are you free this morning?” 

“Not really, why?” 

“Because I want to give you your gift.” 

“Ugh.  Um, you know what you wanna help me with something?” He asks. 

“Yeah of course .” Jet replies trying to hide the enthusiasm in his voice. 

“How close are you to -“ He pauses to look at street signs. “ North and 8 th ?” 

“Maybe, like,  ten minutes if I speed walk.” 

“Then run. I’ll be sitting by  Aunt Wu’s .” 

“The psychic shop?” Jet laughs. 

“Yes, asshole the psychic shop. Hurry up.”  Zuko sighs and hangs up the phone. 

It takes Jet exactly eight minutes to get to Zuko and he’s out of breath. “Wow, you really did run.” 

“Try a very brisk walk.” He says breathing heavily.  “What do you need help with?” 

“I’m going to the Fire Nation Historical Center, I need to talk to someone about my family’s connection to an old building here.” Zuko replies as he begins walking. 

“Seriously? Wouldn’t  you be better off going with your sister or anyone else?” Jet asks. 

Zuko stops and turns around. “ Maybe so, but you called first. Plus, I’m using your hope that I want you back to my advantage.” 

“Who told you that? Was it Ty Lee or have you been talking to  Smellerbee or Long Shot lately?” Jet asks . 

“You told me.” Zuko replies, walking again. “Not with your words, but your actions. I know you feel guilty for all the shit you said to me in our last fight , that’s why you're being sweet on me.” 

“I do, but you know I hate the Fire Nation, what help will I be?” 

“But you loved me.” Zuko replies eyes focused on the sidewalk. He swears he can hear him mumble love, present tense. 

“Yes. ” 

“How did you do that? How did you push all your hate for my people and my home down enough to love me? ” Zuko asks. 

“You were different, I could see so much of me and what I stand for in you.” Jet replies. “ Your temper, your drive, your… fire.” 

“I was just damaged enough by them for you to separate me from him. ” He says quietly. 

“ I don’t actually think you’re just like him, I only said it to hurt you.” Jet says, going to hold Zuko’s hand but he pulls away. 

“Yes, and it worked. Oh, spirits did it fucking work.” Zuko replies clenching his teeth.  “It worked so good I swore I saw him in every room I went into, but then I realized it was just me . His damaged goods forever tied to him even now as he’s a corpse in the earth.” 

He hears Jet wince and the two walk-in silence for a block before he goes to speak  again, “Will you – will you ever forgive me?” 

Zuko sighs, “I do forgive you, this is how you can repay me and then you can stop pretending that I’ll someday show up at your door begging you to take me back.” 

“ Alright.” Jet says and he stays silent until they reach the doors of the building trying to mimic Fire Nation architecture. 

“Wait, Zuko what do you  care about this connection now?” Jet asks before they walk in. 

“I need to know if my forefathers are cursing me .” He replies matter of factly. 

“Is this my fault?” 

“No. It’s his.”  He says and walks into the building. He’s met with cold marble and  the golden eyes of his father stare down at him from a picture on the wall . The woman at the front desk looks at him. 

“ Ah, Zuko, I always wondered if you’d come in here someday.”  She says standing up from her chair. “What can I do for you?” 

“I need to know if my father or any men in my family really have any connections to the old center  on Caldera Street?” He asks.  He can feel Jet watch him as he tries to not squirm under his father's gaze. 

“ Take a seat, I’ll check for records.” She says and goes into a side room. 

“That’s kind of creepy.” Jet whispers. 

“Tell me about it.” 

The woman comes back to her desk a few minutes later with a folder and sets it down. “So,  your great grandfather frequented it especially during the tail end of the war, but there’s really no connection after that. ”  She tells him, pointing to signatures and dates. 

“Oh. Weird question but, do you know if it’s haunted?” Zuko asks. 

“Haunted?  Buildings aren’t haunted, people are.” She replies, the gaze of his father and his fathers before him burn hotter than before . 

“How do you do this?”  Zuko asks. 

“Do what?” 

“Work, like – like this, with them staring down at you all day?” He asks, motioning to the photographs of his ancestors on the walls. 

“I’m a historian, I can spend a lot of my time looking at photographs of historical figures. I’m Fire Nation, but I have no connection to these people.” She replies. 

“Oh, to be so lucky.”  Zuko replies softly. “Can I ask something?” 

She nods, waiting for his question. “Why do you only have pictures of the bad ones and not the good ones, like my uncle?” He asks. 

“I suppose good and bad can be subjective in the case of these past leaders, you and him may find these men to be bad and General Iroh to be good, but patriotic Fire Nation citizens may find your father to be better while Iroh to be bad. As well as those who were impacted by your uncle’s military days may find him to be bad. It can’t all be so black and white.” She replies. 

“And where do you stand?” Jet asks, waiting patiently to see how loyal she is. 

“I live here don’t I ?  I’m clearly not a supporter, if I was, I’d still be home, and I wouldn’t be speaking to him.” She replies motioning towards  Zuko . 

“Why not him?” 

“Well -” She begins to speak, but  Zuko cuts her off. “They hate me there, I’m a traitor to the nation and a disgrace. It was the only way for him to justify casting me away.” 

The woman purses her lips and nods once in response. 

“Well, thank you for speaking to me. This has been  _ very  _ educational.”  Zuko says, standing up and brushing himself off. 

“Anytime.” She smiles. 

As the two begin to leave, he can hear her moving in the background before she speaks. 

“Your mother would be proud of you.” 

Zuko stops in his tracks and freezes for a moment. He turns around to look at her and gives me a small nod as a silent thank you and continues to leave the building. 

“How can a whole nation hate you for being abused?” Jet asks clearly frustrated. 

“It’s not that difficult really . It’s not all of them, there’s been a lot of reform under the new president, but the  loyalists to my father and the old ways hate me. At least they hate  Azula too because she left when he went to prison.”  Zuko replies, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee or something?” Jet asks. He fights every urge to push him away and tell him no, how can he not understand that  Zuko isn’t interested anymore. 

“You know what, sure. Thanks for coming with me, I know it’s not your idea of a good time.”  Zuko replies and can’t help but smile a little at the way Jet begins to glow. 

“Wait! I have your gift.” Jet says and reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box. “Here, happy birthday.” 

Zuko carefully takes the gift, “You didn’t have to get me anything.” He says as he opens the box. Inside is a small picture frame, the picture is one he thought he had lost long ago. It’s him, his mother, and his sister smiling bright in front of the pond on their old property. 

“How - how did you get this?”  Zuko asks. 

“I think you left it at my place a million years ago because I was cleaning out some old boxes the other day and that was in there. I figured it would make a good birthday gift.” Jet shrugs.  Zuko finds it hard to stop himself, but he throws himself into Jet’s arms and gives him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

“Thank you. Wow. This means a lot to me.”  Zuko says as he pulls away. 

“I figured you’d have more use for it than me.” He laughs. 

So he goes to coffee with Jet, they walk  through the bustling street days to a small café owned by a woman originally from the Southern Water Tribe that makes the best coffee.  They laugh and they smile and for a moment  Zuko feels whole, even if he can only have a friendship with Jet, he’d rather have that than nothing at all.  They sit together for hours watching people walk by , making up stories about all of them, and they talk to the owner for a while about her home and what she’s misses and doesn’t miss about the cold.  They talk until the sky turns pink. 

“Thanks so much for today, I ’m happy to have you as a friend.”  Zuko smiles. 

“I’m happy to have you too. Have a good night Zu.” Jet replies as he turns to start his walk home and  Zuko walks back towards his building.  He walks in silence, ever vigilant. 

He turns the key  for the door to his building and waits for the elevator, a few other come around. A mother and her son he knows live a floor under him, a few girls who room together, a tall, broad, tan-skinned man with piercing blue eyes and hair tied back tight . They all pile in and set their floors until the elevator hitches, and panic ensues as the elevator starts to drop. Everyone screaming and crying except for  Zuko and the  man. 

“Hey man, didn’t you hear? We’re about to die.”  Zuko says looking at him. 

“It doesn’t matter, I die all the time.” He replies. 

Zuko shoots to look at him, “Me too.”  And everything goes dark. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is very Sokka centric this time :-) enjoy!

Sokka believed himself to have his life more or less together, he followed his color-coded schedules, he spent time with his friends, he  had a long term girlfriend . He thought himself to be put together until he started dying and coming back to life all the time. 

Every time he’d wake up in his bathroom,  toothbrush in his mouth . He didn’t know how long this had been going on all he knew was he had died eight times already, and couldn’t for the life of him remember how he died in the first place. So as he woke  up in his bathroom again , getting ready to live the same day over again. 

He left the bathroom and went to the clothes laid out on his bed ; black jeans, a blue t-shirt that hung to his muscles  _ just right _ , and blue flannel.  He put the outfit on and  said his day plan out loud to himself, “Go  see  Katara , get a coffee, go to see  Suki , come home .” 

He pulled his hair into his usual wolf's tail and began the trek to  Gyatso’s , the corner store that belongs to  Katara’s boyfriend  Aang . He hummed to himself as he walked, smiling at the people he passed on the street until he got to the store and opened the door with the chime of the bell. 

“Well yeah, that’s exactly what I was telling  Zuko but he doesn’t listen to me – Hey  Sokka !”  Katara says as she notices him walk through the door. 

“Hey  Katara , hey  Aang .” He replies. “How’s it going?” 

“It’s good, just venting about how a friend of ours never listens to me and only listens to  Aang , even when I have good advice.” she rolls her eyes. 

“My love, it’s because he’s stubborn as a  lion ox , not because he doesn’t appreciate your advice.”  Aang says to her. 

“He sounds like a real piece of work.”  Sokka laughs as he puts his coffee on the counter. 

Aang punches in the code and  Sokka hands him over his card. “He’s a good guy, it’s just like you ever meet someone who so clearly doesn’t care about their own well-being? He’s like that, I mean he drinks anything, he does any drug anyone gives him, he stays out all night and he  _ never _ dies, he’s like a  cockroach.”  Katara replies , water bending a sip of coffee from the cup to her. 

“A cockroach?”  Sokka asks  arching his eyebrow. 

“ Yes.  Anyway, what are you doing today?”  She asks. 

“I’m heading over to  Suki’s , she said she needed to talk about some stuff.”  Sokka replies shrugging his shoulders, he’s lived this day several times he definitely knows what she wants to talk about. 

“ I should get going, but maybe I’ll see you later.” 

“Sure thing, just let me know if you wanna come on by.” She smiles and waves as he begins to walk out. 

Sokka walks the few blocks to  Suki’s studio above a  Kyoshi Warrior gym, thinking about how he knows how this conversation is going to go, but if he does everything perfectly it’ll go exactly how he wants it to be. He’s written out every possible  outcome he could think of, trying to lean into what he wants to happen. He takes in a gulp of air and knocks on the door. 

“Hey,  Sokka .”  Suki says giving a small smile. 

“Hey , Suk.” He replies going to give her a kiss, but she only gives him her cheek. 

“Come on in.”  She says, opening the door wider and he steps in moving towards the couch as she follows. 

“So… I wanted to talk to you about something important.” She tells him as she fiddles with her fingers. 

“Okay.” 

“ Sokka , I love you, you know that I do and that I’ll always have a place for you in my heart .” She pauses. 

“I love you, too.” 

“But as much as I love you, I can’t keep loving you… like this.” She answers looking him dead in the eye. 

_ Fucking shit it’s still not working in my favor  _

“ How long have you known?” He asks biting his lip. 

“Longer than I’d like to admit.” She cringes. 

“Ah. ” He sighs. 

“ I know you feel it too, I can tell.”  She states. 

There is truth in the statement. Of course, he loves  Suki , he always will they’ve been together forever, but in the past year, he’s made a revelation about his sexuality , especially after seeing his neighbor with the long black hair and  the angry red scar that covers half his face that made him almost hauntingly beautiful  and being unable to deny how bad he wanted to kiss him at least once before he die s once and for all. 

_ But you’re all I know, you’re safe.  _ He thinks to himself. 

“Please be honest with me, is there anyone else?” He asks. 

Her face shifts from neutral to irritated, “Excuse me?  Not you swoon ing over  your neighbor  but being  too chicken shit to talk to asking if I’m interested in someone else.”

He cringes, “Wait I’m sorry that’s not-“ 

“You know what  we’re done,  I won’t stand by watching you lie to yourself anymore.” She states standing up. 

“I love you.” He says as he stands up. 

“Yes, I know. But you’re more scared of being alone than you  love me.” She sighs as she moves towards to door. 

“I’m sorry.” He says as he moves towards the door. 

“Look.” She sighs. “Don’t be sorry, just  be brave.” She gives him a chaste kiss  and he steps out of the studio and she shuts the door. 

“ Dam n it !” He whispers to himself.  The pain he’s felt every time she broke up with him crawls up his throat, shouldn’t he be used to this at this point?  Sokka speed walks back to his loft, so he can start his routine of self-pity he’s grown accustomed to.  He unlocks the door to his building and climbs into the elevator, the door begins to close and opens again as his beautiful neighbor walks in.  _ Speak of the devil I suppose.  _

Sokka looks at him, but he doesn’t look back until the elevator begins to malfunction and everyone starts to panic. 

“Hey man, didn’t you hear? We’re about to die?” He asks, his voice is gorgeous and raspy. 

“It’s doesn’t matter, I die all the time.”  Sokka replies. 

The man's eyes go wide and he replies, “Me too.” As the world goes dark. 

_ Nine.  _

He’s back in his blue bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth. He looks at himself in the mirror and laughs. 

“Again?” But this time it’s different, there’s someone else who knows what’s happening. 

He leaves his bathroom and goes to get dressed. 

“Might as well try this again.” He sighs. This time he  pulls out a grey sweater and dark jeans . Maybe today he’ll  try the tactic where he says everything  Suki’s going to say before she does, maybe it’ll make it feel less shitty. 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts as a rapid knocking  starts on his door. He throws the door open to only be met with amber eyes. 

“We need to talk.” He says pushing himself into  Sokka’s apartment. 

“Yeah, sure, come on in.”  Sokka rolls his eyes and shuts the door. 

“What’s your name?” He asks. 

“ Sokka .” He replies. “How’d  you find my place?” 

“I knocked on all the doors of this floor until you opened up.” 

“No shit?” 

“Fuck no, I went to the leasing office and said you lost your keys and I wanted to give them back to you and they said this was yours.” He states, holding up a set of keys that don’t belong to  Sokka , a blue flame keychain  catches his eye. 

“Those aren’t mine?” 

“Yeah, no shit, they’re mine  but they don’t know that. Anyways, I’m  Zuko .” He says shoving his keys back into his pocket. 

“Wait. Like cockroach  Zuko ?”  Sokka asks, remembering what his sister had said. 

“Cockroach  Zuko ? What the fuck is cockroach  Zuko ?” He asks, his cheeks getting red. 

“ My sister said you were like a cockroach.”  Sokka laughs. 

“Who is your sister?”  Zuko furrows his brows. 

“ Katara .”  Sokka replies, realizing maybe  Zuko has never had any knowledge of  Sokka’s existence. 

“Like  Aang’s girlfriend  Katara ?” 

“The one and only.” 

“Man, I knew she didn’t fucking like me , what’s she mean by cockroach  Zuko ?” 

“Look babe, she didn’t mean anything by it, she was saying you do any drug and drink anything and party without dying.”  Sokka states. 

Zuko let out a loud, sarcastic laugh, “If only she knew I die all the time.” 

Sokka laughs if only he could explain to his sister how he  scared shitless over his constant death and dying. 

“I came by so I could actually meet you and you know I have a birthday party I need to make an appearance at so maybe you could come and we could talk theories.”  Zuko states, changing the subject. 

“ You get to die on your birthday? What the fuck man, I get to be broken up with every night.”  Sokka sighs. 

“Look, there’s a whole thing surround ing this birthday so it’s not all daffodils and fire lilies. ”  Zuko states.  “ Why are you getting broken up with ? I mean you’re a pretty handsome fella.” He adds,  squeezing  Sokka’s cheeks.  Sokka makes note of how warm  Zuko’s hands are. 

“I don’t know, it wasn’t working between us anymore. ”  Sokka replies eyeing  Zuko up and down.  Suki’s words telling him to be honest ring in his head . 

“Aw, you’ll be alright. ” He lightly taps  Sokka’s cheek and  throws his long hair over his shoulder. “Come on Socks , there’s free booze.” 

“Socks?!” His jaw drops at the awful nickname but follows the shorter man never the less.  What kind of curveballs is the universe sending him, and why can’t he seem to  catch a break. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this one is kind of long lmao also i made up scientific theory bc i don't know anything about science so don't hold me to any accuracy, i'm a history major. anyways enjoy!

“ So, let me ask you a few questions  to start off my theories.”  Zuko starts as the walk , the pink in the dusk sky making him glow. “How old are you? Are you at all fire nation? How’s your relationship with your father?” 

Sokka raises one eyebrow at the questions but answers, “I’m 2 4\. Definitely not, I’m Southern Water Tribe through and through, and my relationship with my dad is really good actually. ” 

Zuko clicks his tongue and replies, “Damn. At first, I thought I was having a bad trip then I thought  my dead dad put a curse on me, then I thought maybe I was being haunted by ancestors and that was why this was happening , but then I met you and now I’m stumped .” 

“Are you Fire Nation?”  Sokka asks. 

“I’m about as Fire Nation as you can get.”  Zuko replies, tugging on the pendant on his neck. 

“So why are you living here?”  Sokka asks and  he can see  Zuko physically tense. 

“Wow Socks, going in deep.  To make a long, depressing story short I love my country, but they don’t  always love gay kids who push back.” He replies. “Why are you here?” 

“I’m doing engineering work for  Republic City on behalf of the Southern Water Tribe . You know, trying to strengthen ties and whatnot,  Katara is working as a healer and water bending instructor .” 

“Ah.”  Zuko replies as he walks them through the doors of a big brick building.  They follow the sound of music to what  Sokka assumes to be  Zuko’s birthday party. 

“Zuzu, what the fuck? Where did you go?” A girl who looks similar to  Zuko , maybe a sister or cousin  asks. 

“I went to go get my friend  Sokka .”  Zuko replies. “ Sokka this is my sister  Azula , and those two over there are my friends Mai and Ty Lee.” He gestures to the girl and then points toward a tall girl with  long, dark hair and a shorter girl with a long braid.  Sokka raises his hand to say hello.  Azula looks him up and down as if she’s reading hi every thought,  Sokka finds it a little frightening, but not unlike the way  Katara acts when meeting new people. 

“Come with me, I need to show you something.”  Zuko takes him by the hand and leads him to a bathroom. 

“ Tui and La, this bathroom is so pink.”  Sokka states, blinking a couple of times taking everything in. 

“I know, it’s almost unsettling. Every time I wake up it’s in here.”  Zuko replies, locking eyes with himself in the round mirror. 

“I come to in my bathroom also.”  Sokka says as he looks around, avoiding eye contact with himself in the mirror. 

“Why do you think this is happening?”  Zuko asks. 

“I know if I asked  Katara or  Aang they’d say I was being punished by a vengeful spirit or something, but if I said you were involved too, they’d say maybe we’re soulmates or something.”  Sokka replies. 

Zuko makes a face , stepping closer to  Sokka and states, “I’d hope you’d have a better soulmate than me.” 

“Why?”  Sokka asks, tucking a strand of hair behind  Zuko’s left ear, “You don’t seem too bad.” 

Zuko shivers  at the contact , “Because.” He starts, taking  Sokka’s face in his hands. Now it’s  Sokka’s turn to shiver, “ It’s hard to like me. Besides I don’t believe in all that stuff.”  He rubs his thumb across  Sokka’s jaw and pulls his hands away. “But I know the two of them eat that shit up.” 

The interaction leaves  Sokka feeling drunk , he can feel  Zuko’s warm fingers on his face. Little does he know ,  Zuko’s mind is reeling on the tenderness of a man he hardly knows. “I don’t believe in it either.”  Sokka laughs.  “I do have a possible theory.” 

Zuko raises his eyebrow , “Shoot.” 

“In astrophysics,  there’s this theory about time loops , essentially it states that if  you were to encounter a black hole and move from one end to the other  there’s the change of getting stuck in the middle resulting in a time loop. ”  Sokka tells him. 

“Could we be stuck in a black hole though?”  Zuko asks. 

Before  Sokka can answer , a knock on the bathroom door interrupts him. “Let’s find somewhere else to talk.”  Zuko says and takes his hand leading him out of the bathroom  and into the hallway. 

“It wouldn’t be possible for the two of us to be stuck in a black hole without the entire planet being stuck, which would make  everyone experience this.”  Sokka replies. 

“Could everyone be experiencing this?” 

“I mean maybe but, it’s unlikely I think there would be mass panic.”  Sokka says. 

“What if what’s happening is a mix of scientific and spiritual?” Zuko asks.  “I mean our fates got tangled up somehow.” 

“Anything is possible really.” 

“Wait! I think I know someone we can ask!”  Zuko exclaims. 

“Who?”  Sokka replies. 

“My uncle.”  Zuko states. 

“Is your uncle a scientist or something?”  Sokka asks. 

“No, he owns a tea shop.  But, he’s the smartest person I know. When  Azula and I were growing any question we had he always had some kind of  folktale that went with it. I hated it when I was younger, but we might need it now.”  Zuko tells him.  “If we make it through the night we can go to him in the morning. If we don’t make through the night meet me back here and we’ll figure something out.” 

Sokka nods his head, anything to help this situation.  He  can’t help but laugh , he should be eating this up and making up every possible scenari o and possible outcome. That’s who he is. 

His thoughts are interrupted when an unknown voice calls  Zuko’s name, catching both of their attention. 

“Hey, Jet. I’m glad you’re here actually. I needed to talk to you.”  Zuko says to the man.  Sokka looks him up and down taking in all his features, he’s tall and slim but  his arms have definition. His brown hair  and brown eyes are warm, and his skin is darker than  Zuko’s but lighter than  Sokka’s . A toothpick sits in his mouth. 

“Yeah, uh let’s talk. Who’s this?” Jet replies, looking at  Sokka . 

“My friend  Sokka , anyways I wanted to tell you I forgive you, I don’t want to be with you but I forgive you.”  Zuko says, putting a hand on his shoulder.  Sokka assumes Jet must be an ex-boyfriend. 

“ I can accept that.” Jet says, giving him a quick hug. The sweet moment is broken up  by the voice of  Zuko’s sister. 

“Who the fuck invited this shithead .” She laughs motioning towards  Jet. 

“What’s up, Crazy  Azula ?” Jet replies with a smirk. 

“Man, fuck you.” She sneers. 

“Alright girls, you’re both pretty , calm down.” The girl  Zuko pointed out as Mai says to the two of them.  Sokka looks over at  Zuko who is wearing a grimace on his face . 

“You good?”  Sokka whispers to them. 

“Yeah, I’m fine ,”  Zuko says rolling his  eyes. “Let’s take a walk I need a cigarette.” He adds taking  Sokka’s hand for the third time that night. 

“So Jet?”  Sokka asks as they step outside. 

Zuko laughs as  he puts a cigarette in his mouth and summons a flame to his finger.  _ A fire bender, that’s why his hands are so warm.  _ “Part of the reason why we didn’t work out, he and my sister fucking hate each other. He was my first real boyfriend, but it’s just wasn’t meant to be.” He adds, waving his hand. 

“My first girlfriend turned into the moon.”  Sokka spits out and  Zuko looks at him, the most confused look on his face. “Yeah, um, I was in the Northern Water Tribe for a while and  I was kind of involved with the chief's daughter. She was blessed by the moon spirit so when she passed she literally became the moon.” 

Zuko’s jaw drops and states, “That’s rough, buddy.” 

Sokka laughs, like a real belly laugh. Yeah, it is rough. 

“So what you’ve only dated g irls?”  Zuko asks taking a drag and  Sokka nods then asks, “Have you ever dated a girl?” 

“Yeah. Mai.” He replies motioning towards the building. It’s hard for  Sokka to imagine the two of them together.  “Then Jet, then a bunch of  bullshit hookups after that.” 

“All men?”  Sokka asks. 

“Yeah. Have you ever been with a guy?”  Zuko asks and  Sokka shakes his head. “Would you want to be?” He adds. 

“Yes.”  Sokka answers. 

“Good.”  Zuko smiles. “I can’t stand hanging out with straight people.”  Sokka laughs at the comment, it feels good to be honest. 

“Hey um, how did you first die?”  Zuko asks. 

“I can’t remember at all.” He answers. 

“No shit,  maybe the answers to our problem lies in that.” 

Sokka shrugs his shoulders , “Maybe. How did you die?” 

“I got hit by a car.”  Zuko replies, crushing his cigarette under his boot. 

“Do you think we’re dying at the same time?”  Sokka asks. 

Zuko pauses for a moment then answers, “I can’t be sure, it’s possible.” 

As if the spirits hear them, a timely demise of  being crushed by falling debris answers th eir  question, and the two men come to in their respective bathrooms and  Sokka shoots out to get to the party.  He makes there in record time and finds  Zuko sitting at the kitchen island, laughing with the three girls. 

“Let’s talk,”  Zuko says and gets up.  Sokka follows him  to a quiet corner of the party. “So we are dying at the same time. ” 

“Apparently so.” 

“ So, here’s a possible plan, we live through the night, and tomorrow I follow you throughout your day so maybe we can figure out how you first died. ” 

“Okay , and how are we going to  do that?”  Sokka asks. 

“I’ve lived through the night before it just  requires us watching our every move.”  Zuko laughs. “How do you feel about a thirty-minute train ride to Ba Sing Se?”  Zuko asks. 

Sokka shifts his stance to stand closer to  Zuko as someone walks past them then asks, “What’s in Ba Sing Se?” 

“My uncle.” 

“Fuck it, let’s go to Ba Sing Se.”  Sokka shrugs. 

The two begin to walk towards the door, being stopped by  Azula . “Getting lucky?” She laughs. 

“I wish, I’m going to uncle’s.” He replies.  Sokka’s eyebrows shoot up as he says I wish. 

“Uncle’s? You good?” She asks. 

“Yeah, I just need to talk to him I think.” 

“Oh, bringing your friend to meet Uncle?” She smirks. 

Zuko shoves her shoulder then states, “Fuck off.” He pauses then says, “You wanna come?” 

She looks around as if contemplating the question then answers, “I think Mai and Ty Lee will actually kill me if both of us dip out. You go.” 

Zuko nods in response and heads out the door. The two walk in silence for a few moments, the summer sky still holding onto a little bit of pink before the moon engulfs the sun. 

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”  Sokka asks, interrupting the silence.  Zuko hums in response. “I know you said you were Fire Nation, I thought they always wore their hair up, but  every time I’ve seen you it’s always down.” 

“I stopped wearing the top knot consistently when I started dating Jet, and after a while, I just learned to like how I looked with it down, but I’ll put it up if my Uncle has some kind of event he wants me to go to.” 

Sokka nods then  Zuko says, “Haven’t you only really seen me in this reoccurring day?” 

“No.”  Sokka starts, “I’ve seen you around the building before.” He pauses before he finishes his sentence, “I always thought you were cute.” 

Zuko looks over at him, a small blush swept across his cheeks, “Oh yeah? You’re not too bad yourself.”

The two get to the train station just in time to  get on the last train of the night to Ba Sing Se , taking their seats by the window , watching out at the sky is fading from pink to black. 

“ Do you still love Jet?”  Sokka asks. 

Zuko is pulled from his thoughts at the question then answers, “No.  Not anymore.  I’m sure you’re still in love with your girlfriend though?” 

Sokka waits a moment then answers, “ Suk i . I’m scared to admit it but, I think I may have fallen out of love with her a while ago. I mean I’ll always love her but,  she was right we have grown so far apart.” 

Zuko hums in response and pats  Sokka’s hand in consolation. “Love is way too tricky.”  Sokka laughs  at his response. 

“After Jet,  I couldn’t stand the idea of trying to be in love again and I used sex to just like fill this void,  and the shit is that I feel like I always move from one coping mechanism to the next. Sex, drugs, drinking, really, really shitty poetry about how much I hate my father .  I’d like to one day feel whole.”  Zuko admits in the quiet of the mostly empty train car. 

Now is  Sokka’s turn to brush  Zuko’s hand, but  Zuko takes it and holds it in response. “ Me, too. I’ve felt this hole for years and I don’t know if it’s the death of my mother,  or the death of  Yue , or feelings of inadequacy, but I feel it.”  Zuko tightens his grip on his hand at his confession. 

“Maybe.”  Zuko pauses as if to think about what he’s going to say, “Maybe in  another life I could’ve fallen in love with you and maybe we would have ever felt these  bullshit holes.” He practically whispers, the stars reflecting in his eyes as he gazed out the window. 

“Maybe.”  Sokka whispers. 

The two sit in silence for most of the train ride, their hands still remaining interlocked on the seat between them , only breaking apart as the train pulls into the Middle Ring station. 

“It’s just a few minutes' walk from here.”  Zuko says as they walk on the platform.  Sokka follows closely as  Zuko expertly walks them to a tea shop , he follows him up the staircase behind the building until they reach a door  and  Zuko knocks a pattern on the door. 

The door shoots open and an older man with gray hair stands there, “Nephew!” He smiles and pulls  Zuko into a hug. “Come in, come in!” He shuts the door. “I was about to head over to your friends, but I guess I don’t have to now. Where’s your sister I would have quite liked to see both my babies tonight.” 

Zuko smiles and replies, “She’s still with Mai and Ty Lee. I came here because I needed to talk to you.” 

“Who is your friend and does he like tea?” 

“I’m  Sokka and do you have any  Water Tribe blends?”  Sokka answers. 

“Hmm. Yes, I do! Sokka it’s good to meet you, I’m Iroh.” Iroh smiles as he puts on some water

“ Zuko , I’ve been asking some of my friends in Republic City if they’ve seen  Druk , but so far no news.” Iroh states, turning from the stove to look at  Zuko . 

“He’ll come back , I hope, but thanks for checking.”  Zuko replies. 

“ So, what do you need to talk to me about baby boy?” 

Zuko blushes at the nickname, “It’s a question really. Do you know any folktales about people who can’t seem to stay dead?” 

Iroh turns to look at him and asks, “Does this have anything to do with your father?” 

“ I don’t know.” 

“My nephew, despite his words you deserve to be alive, ” Iroh tells him. “My brother,  Sokka , made  _ quite  _ the father.  Do you know how my nephew got his scar?” 

Sokka shakes his head and  Zuko interjects, “Uncle, please!” 

“My apologies,” Iroh says as he takes the water off the heat and pours three cups of tea.  “Jasmine for you, Peppermint and  artic berry for our Water Tribe friend , and oolong for me.” 

Sokka takes his cup and sets it down on the table. 

“ So, do you know any stories?”  Zuko asks. 

Iroh takes a sip of his tea and hums then says, “I believe I do , it’s not exactly the same, but along the same lines .  There’s a  story  of a young man from a rural Fire Nation village and he is suffering from feeling very depressed and alone  and goes to take his life, but first begins praying to the Spirit Agni, who comes down to him  and tells him that all will be better, so he spares his life.

Yet, nothing gets better so he goes to the ocean and goes to take his life again, but begins praying to  Tui and La, maybe they’ll give him something that Agni could not, and they come down to him , and say all will be better if he lives more in balance , so he decides to try that. 

Still, nothing gets better so he goes to  take his life once more but he meets an Air Nomad who tells him to  live freely, and so he decides to do so. He leaves his village and wanders all over the world and yet nothing gets better. 

He goes to take his life again , but  begins to pray and pray and is met with  the spirits of the sun and the moon once again and he asks them why he must suffer so, he’s done everything he’s been told. He’s lived with balance, he’s embraced the sun and the moon and the waves, he’s  tried living freely, and yet nothing gets better. Then Agni speaks to him and says , you’re holding too tightly onto the pain of this life , in order to feel better you must let go of your greatest burden.

The man thinks and thinks of his greatest burden  and comes to the thought of his deceased wife and vows to still love her but he must let her go.  As he makes this vow he feels a weight leave his chest and Agni whispers to him , to live in the light you must choose to live and leaves the man on the road.” Iroh tells the story to the two men  as they sip their tea. 

“I suppose the moral of this story is to feel alive you must let go of the things weighing you down.” 

“What  – what am I supposed to let go of?”  Zuko asks . 

“Now that is something I can not guide you  on, you have to make that decision for yourself.” Iroh replies reaching across the table to place a hand on top of  Zuko’s . 

“It feels so scary getting old , it feels like there are far too many burdens to choo se from.”  Sokka states breaking his silence. 

Iroh gives him a soft smile as he says, “You are still so youn g, there’s still time to recover from life’s great pains.” 

“How do es someone find the strength to really want to live?”  Zuko asks no one in particular. 

“Now that is the mystery.” Iroh sighs. “Would you like to stay here tonight or do you need to go hom e?” 

Zuko looks between  Sokka and his uncle then answers, “As much as I would love to stay here tonight I can’t, but I promise once I get some things figured out I’ll stay. Maybe I’ll be able to convince  Zula to stay too.” 

“I’ll hold you to that. Now, let me take you home.” Iroh says standing up then stops in his tracks and slides a small bag across the table to  Zuko . “Happy birthday my boy.” 

“Thank you.” He whispers. 

Zuko and  Sokka find themselves in Iroh’s small car, the three sharing laughs, and stories amongst each other.  Sokka can’t help but admire the way in which  Zuko smiles, really smiles with his uncle, and the way that it lights up his whole face. He wishes that maybe one day he could make him smile like that.  Iroh asks  Sokka about his life in the South Pole, and  Sokka is more than happy to tell all of the stories of his home.  Before long  Sokka is standing off to the side while Iroh gives  Zuko a long hug and wishes him a happy birthday before heading back home. 

“Well, if we’re following your day tomorrow, wanna have a little sleepover?”  Zuko asks as he unlocks the door to the building. 

“At my place?”  Sokka asks. 

“Yeah, I mean you didn’t start your day at mine.”  Zuko replies opting for the stairs this time instead of the elevator. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”  Sokka smiles  and leads  Zuko to his loft. 

The two men make themselves comfortable and fall into easy conversation. Talking for hours, moving from the living room to the balcony for cigarette breaks, to the bedroom where the two crash on  Sokka’s bed. Falling asleep, the two a mess of  limbs, at this moment they are not two people facing the ever-present question of mortality, but two  people getting a good night's sleep for the first time in a long time. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wow sorry its been a minute since i updated lmao but i'm back. I think I really only have two more chapters this so we're coming towards the end

When Sokka woke up  he  found Zuko awake in his bed, scrolling through his phon e. 

“How  long  have you been awake?” Sokka mumbled, sleep still thick in his throat. 

Zuko looked over from his phone, shrugging his shoulders he replied, “I don’t know maybe like an hour.” 

Sokka rubbed his face and turned over onto his side looking at Zuko.  He reached out and ran a tender hand through Zuko’s hair before asking, “How long  did this take to grow out?” 

“I’ve been growing it pretty consistently for the past few years, but it got to this length maybe in the last six months.”  He replies. “Alright, let’s focus. How did that first day go?” 

Sokka stopped to this for a moment then replied, “I think I got up and worked out. Do you want to do a quick workout with me?” 

“Like what?” 

“I’m thinking of arms and abs .” Sokka states. 

Zuko scrunches up his face then answers, “I’m more of a martial arts kind of guy, but sure.” 

“I can  spar with you a little bit.  Suki did some pretty insane martial arts stuff.” 

Zuko stands up from the bed  and answers, “Sure.” He gives Sokka a small smile then adds, “Give me a few moments to go home and change.” 

Sokka gives him a quick thumbs up and Zuko grabs the pile of his clothes on the floor and walks out, still wearing the sweats Sokka gave him the night before that hardly  fit to Zuko’s small frame. Sokka uses this time to brush his teeth, get dressed, and properly hydrate  before Zuko comes back. He walks through the door  clad in spandex shorts and a fade d gray t-shirt, his hair tied up in a tight top knot. 

“Don’t hate me if I can’t keep up, I smoke too much and eat too little.” Zuko states moving to stretch. 

“I won’t hate you, but let’s make sure to get you a proper breakfast after this.” Sokka replies . 

The two follow intricate sets of  complicated workouts Sokka made  up  as well as one of the intense  Kyoshi Warrior circuits  Suki designed. 

Zuko flops down on the floor wiping the sweat from his forehead, “ This is insane.” 

“Come on  jerkbender let’s spar a little.” Sokka’s laughs. 

Zuko sits up on his elbows and gives Sokka a face for the nickname, but pushes himself up.  Sokka moves to rearrange his furniture to make room and the two fall into a rhythm.  Zuko strikes with intricate precision that comes with years of training, while Sokka follows a more dirty way of fighting.  The two circle around the room , dodging and evading.  Sokka’s moves for a jab, but Zuko moves and pulls Sokka’s feet from underneath him.  He straddles Sokka’s waist and stares down at his scanning his face . He slowly leans down towards Sokka , lips brushing his cheek then whispering “Got you.” Zuko stands up and moves away from Sokka who stays on the floor a moment longer . 

“I don’t know what to make of you.” Sokka says as he pulls himself off the floor. 

Zuko shrugs and replies, “What happened next in your day?” 

Sokka thinks for a moment then answers, “I showered, then I went to  Gyatso’s to get food and to see  Aang and  Katara before going to see  Suki .” 

“To the showers it is.” Zuko replies pulling his hair out of its top knot. 

A flush of red goes across Sokka’s cheeks before he speaks, “Together or separate?” Zuko raises an eyebrow at the comment then answers, “Separate. I don’t think you have all the products I like.” 

Zuko goes to walk away, but stops in the doorway, “I’ll meet you back here when we’re ready?” Sokka gives him a thumbs-up, and Zuko makes his way back to his home for the second time that morning. 

As Zuko makes his way back to Sokka’s  clad in black from head to toe, the flame pendant bumping in time with his heart as he walks , all he can think to himself is that he hopes the end of this dilemma is near.  He kno ck s on Sokka’s door one, two, three times and stands back waiting for the door to open only to be met with a half-dressed Sokka Zuko tries to not stare, but he can’t help letting his eyes rake over the man in front of him. 

“Give me a second to grab a shirt.” Sokka says and shuts the door leaving Zuko in  the hallway. He stands there messing with his old band shirt that’s carefully tucked into his pants. 

“Alright let’s go.” Sokka states as he opens the door again and steps out. “Off to see  Katara .” 

“Let me ask you something.” Zuko says as they walk down the hallway towards the stairwell and Sokka hums in response . 

“Have you and  Katara always been close?” 

Sokka thinks for a minute before he answers, “Yeah, pretty much. I mean  we fought sometimes when we were younger, but that’s usual.” 

Zuko laughs, trying to hide the slight bitterness that fills him up.  “What about you and your sister? You two seemed fairly close.” 

“No, we genuinely despised each other  for most of our childhoods. Fighting for our father's affection and everything.  I didn’t even speak to her for most of my teenage years , but I guess we got lucky when he died.” Zuko answers crossing his arms. 

“Your dad sounds like a real piece of work.” Sokka replies as he opens the door to the building, the sun warming them up. 

Zuko laughs a real laugh then replies, “That’s an understatement. Maybe someday I’ll tell you all about him .”  Sokka claps Zuko’s shoulder as a mode of consolation. 

“How do you know my sister?” Sokka asks changing the subject. 

“I know  Aang more. I became friends with him when I would make these late-night trips to his store for  cigarettes, coffee, or just human interaction . I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me though.” Zuko answers as  Gyatso’s comes into sight. 

“I’ve heard them mention you before, but I never knew it was you.” Sokka replies as he opens the door, the bell chiming as they walk in. 

“Hey, Sokka! Zuko?”  Katara smiles as they walk in. “ I didn’t know you two knew each other?” 

The two look between each other in an attempt to get their story straight then Zuko answers, “Yeah, I met him at the mailboxes. I can’t believe you  _ never  _ mentioned your brother lives in my building.”  As he goes towards the  coffee pot, pouring himself a cup. 

“I don’t know Zuko, you never told me where your sister lives.”  Katara grumbles. 

Zuko holds back a laugh before he answers, “I highly doubt you’d actually want to be around my sister, let alone know where she lives.” 

Aang comes out of the backroom that’s used as an office, “Hey guys!”  He smiles as he fixes the beanie on his head.  “Hey,  Aang . Any sign of  Druk ?” Zuko asks.  Aang shakes his head then states, “I’ve been putting food out, but he hasn’t come yet.” 

“Sokka, what’s your plan for the day?”  Katara asks as Zuko pays for his coffee. 

“I’m about to head to  Suki’s , but I came to see my favorite sister first.” He replies messing up her hair. 

She shoves his arm before saying, “I’m your only sister  dumbass .” 

“You wound me  Katara , you really do.” 

She rolls her eyes  at his comment then replies, “My sincerest apologizes brother  dumbass .”  She pauses before she adds, “Wait Zuko, are you going to  Suki’s ?” 

“I don’t even know who that is,” He sips his coffee, a lie of course, but he didn’t want  Katara or  Aang getting in the way or their plans.  Katara goes to open her mouth before Sokka interrupts her and declares that he needs  to get going to  Suki’s . 

“Bye, have fun, come over later if you want!” She calls out as they go to leave. 

“Thanks, love you!” Sokka calls back as he and Zuko walkout.  “So, what are you going to do while I talk to  Suki ?” Sokka asks Zuko. 

“Probably just fuck off and wait outside the building.” He  shrugs and takes a  sip  of coffee.  “You can come in with me.” Sokka replies. 

Zuko looks at him and replies, “Are you sure? I don’t want to mess anything up for your conversation.” 

“I already know how it's going to end, plus I think I want you there with me.” Sokka answers giving him a little shove with his shoulder. 

Zuko gives him a smile and shoves him back. “So, like really quick, I don’t know  Suki , already right? Like how I already knew your sister.” Sokka shakes his head in response. 

“This is her place.” Sokka says standing in front of the gym. 

“Your girlfriend lives inside of a gym? I didn’t know you were into jocks.” Zuko replies. 

“She doesn’t live  _ inside  _ the gym, she lives above it  dumbass .” Sokka laughs. 

“Fuck off.” Zuko laughs back and follows Sokka up a staircase behind the building leading to a few doors that must be apartments, and he knocks on the middle door. The door swings open to reveal a girl not much taller than  Katara , with short auburn hair and piercing green eyes. She’s pretty, Zuko can attest to that. 

“Hey, Sokka.”  Suki smiles letting them in. 

“Hey,  Suki .” He replies going to give her a kiss, but she shifts and only gives him her cheek. Zuko can’t help but notice the gesture. 

“Who are you?” She asks. 

“Zuko here. I’m a friend of Sokka’s, we ran into each other on the street. Do you mind if I just use your restroom really quick?” 

“Uh, sure, it’s down the hall on the left.” She answers pointing and Zuko follows her directions. He goes and stands in the bathroom, looking over himself in the mirror. He thinks to himself about how strange it is to see yourself staring back at you, the eyes looking into his own looking as though they have lacked life for so long. 

In the living room, Sokka and  Suki sit on opposite couches looking at each other. “I want this to be quick, to just rip the band-aid off.” She says to him as she leans forwards. “I love you; you know that I do.” Sokka nods in response. “But I have to be honest I don’t know if I’ve been  _ in  _ love with you for a little while.” Sokka nods again, he’s heard the statement leave her mouth countless times, he even agrees with it at this point yet it still hurts. 

Before Sokka can answer Zuko comes back into the room, “Your decorating skills are great, I mean really.” He states gesturing to the living room. 

“Thanks? Anyways, Sokka do you want to add anything.”  Suki replies, slight frustration in her voice. 

“Can you tell me why?” He responds, his eyes flickering over to Zuko who is snooping around in the background a box of moon crackers in his hands. 

“It’s been slowing happening since your sexuality crisis you had a few months ago. I support you one hundred percent, I’d be a hypocrite to not, but I’ve lost you.” She answers. 

“Hm, that’s kind of fucked up.” Zuko butts in.  Suki turns to look at him before saying, “Good Gods, why are you here?” Zuko gestures towards Sokka and answers mid-bite, “For him.” 

“Who is he Sokka?” She asks turning back to him. 

“He’s my neighbor.” Sokka replies, and  Suki’s eyes widen. “You mean? You couldn’t even wait for us to split before you started fucking with him!” 

“He’s not fucking with me.” Zuko answers for him. 

“I’m not talking to you.” She replies going to take a step towards him, Zuko squares his shoulders. After growing up with  Azula , he’s ready for a fight at any moment. She stops when Sokka grabs her arm. 

“I’m not doing anything with him, we just ran into each other this morning.” Sokka says to her in a calm voice. 

“I want both of you out of my house.” She states, “This is done.” 

“Look, I don’t want to be a dick, but are you fucking kidding me? You invite him over to say you’ve been falling out of love with him for months, and then just kick him out like that.” Zuko states moving towards the door. 

“Fuck you.” She replies. 

“No, fuck you. I’m hurt on behalf of him, the least you could have done was split with him when you knew you weren’t into him anymore, but instead you le d him on.” 

“I didn’t lead him on.” She answers and Zuko shrugs his shoulders, “Thanks for the crackers, they bang, in your next relationship you should have stronger communication.” 

She groans as Sokka pulls him out of the apartment. “I love you  Suki I do, but maybe there’s truth in that.” She slams the door in response. The two men look between each other before Zuko speaks, “I’m really sorry I think I definitely messed that up.” Sokka looks at him before he breaks into fits of laughter. “That was everything.” 

“If there's one thing I can do is argue with people.” Zuko replies as walks down the stairs, “So what's next in the day?” 

“I drank a lot.” Sokka answers. 

Zuko claps his hands together then replies, “ I can  definitely  do that.” 

Zuko and Sokka find themselves sprawled out on  the floor of Zuko’s living room,  music quietly playing through speakers,  the beers and bottles of hard liquor they bought at the liquor store sit between them. 

“Sometimes I feel too much like my dad when I drink  an IPA.” Sokka states as he takes a sip from a purple can. 

“My dad never drank beer, only scotch, and fancy whiskeys.” Zuko replies as he stares at the ceiling, he swears he can faintly smell the liquor on his father's breath . “My mom always liked  red wines and martinis with two olives, it always had to be two olives.” He adds. 

“My  mom didn’t really drink, but she sometimes would drink white wine with my dad,” Sokka replies. “I drink white wine on days that I really miss her.” 

“ I hate martinis, but it was my first drink on my twenty-first for the exact same reason.” Zuko laughs, his chest constric ting slightly at the thought of her. 

“Is your mom dead too?” Sokka asks. Zuko looks at him and shrugs, “I don’t know. She was just gone one day. It makes it easier if I just say she’s dead, at least I can pretend she didn’t just leave me and my sister to rot with our father.”  He states bitterly, the alcohol turning sour in his stomach.  Silence falls over the two men, the only sound is the soft voice of the woman singing through the speakers.  Sokka places his hand in Zuko’s and squeezes, Zuko squeezes back . Zuko chugs down the last of his vodka soda and pushes the cup aside. 

“What’s this necklace for?”  Sokka asks, reaching out to touch the pendant sitting on his chest. 

“It’s a family heirloom.” Zuko answers  as he refills his cup. “I’m the son of Fire Nation nobility, all the men are  given a necklace like this , it was one of the few things I took with me when I left home. I  hated it for many years, but now it’s part of me.” 

“Why’d you hate it?” Sokka asks. 

“I don’t know, I guess I just hated myself or at least this part of me.”  Zuko replies, “Maybe one day I’ll tell you everything about the past, but not today. Are you drunk?” He asks. 

“ Getting there.” Sokka laughs as he pulls his hair free from its wolf tail.  Zuko looks at how it frames his face perfectly, and how he wishes to run his hands through it at least once. 

“What did you do after you drank?” Zuko asks. 

“ I sat in that indoor pool on the first floor.” He answers. 

Zuko furrows his brows then asks, “You got broken up with and went swimming?” 

“I’m from the Southern Water Tribe, water means home and it means comfort  for me.” He replies. 

“You know what good point, I guess we’re going swimming.” Zuko says and he stands up and Sokka follows suit as he downs the last of his beer.  The walk down the stairs to the pool room is quick, the room is pain t ed in blue and green hues from the  afternoon  sun. 

“I’ve never been in here before.” Zuko states and he strips down to his underwear , “It’s kind of beautiful in here with the lights and the plants.” He adds . 

“Yeah, no one really comes to this one, usually the one outside that’s why I like it here,” Sokka replies.  “It just feels more personal I guess.” 

Zuko watches over Sokka , and the way the blues and greens kiss his features and hold onto  every curve of his body, making him look like he’s one of those renaissance paintings that hands in  one of the Caldera City museums.  He watches him as he moves into the water as if it’s  where he’s always belonged. Zuko sits down on the edge . 

“ I can’t believe I brought someone to my hidden spot.” Sokka laughs as he comes to stand by Zuko. 

“ You’ve never brought anyone here? Not even  Suki ?” Zuko asks running a hand through Sokka's hair, his head  level to Zuko’s hips. “No, you’re the first.” He replies leaning into the gentle touch. 

“I feel so special.” Zuko chuckles as he pushes off to stand next to Sokka in the water.  “I suppose you are special.” Sokka replies looking up at the ceiling. 

“I wish that I had met you organically.” Zuko blurts out. “I wish that we weren’t trying to answer some big cosmic question, and I could’ve just met you and been your friend .” 

“Yeah,” Sokka replies barely above a whisper.  “After this is over, maybe we can pretend that we did meet like regular people.” He adds nudging Zuko’s shoulder , Zuko lau ghs lightly and nudges him back. 

“I wish everything didn’t feel so heavy all the time .” Zuko states  as he pushes  himself underwater to keep himself from screaming , the scream that always sits in his throat as  he  feels the weight of the  world on his shoulders.  When he comes up for air he finds blue eyes staring into his amber ones, a small smile plastered on Sokka’s face. 

“What?” Zuko asks. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re  really dramatic?” Sokka laughs. Zuko’s mouth falls open , “You’re such a dick.” He laughs and splashed water at him. Sokka splashes water back at him and  pushes him underwater . The two men’s laughs fill the nearly empty room , bouncing back towards them making them feel less alone.  Throughout the  afternoon the two laugh and smile and float around talking about everything and nothing. They talk until the sky begins to get that pink hue that bathes the room in a new shade. 

“Sometimes when the s ky is pink like this it makes me feel grateful to be alive.” Zuko states as he  stares out the windows. Sokka hums in response.  Zuko looks towards Sokka, as the  light kissing his skin it makes his stomach tighten. Little does Zuko know Sokka’s stomach does the same treacherous move. 

Sokka moves towards him and  pushes a stray hair behind Zuko’s scarred ear, the tenderness of his touch making Zuko shiver underneath him.  Zuko’s eyes scan all over Sokka’s face taking in every feature. 

“Have you ever had  something you want so badly  right in front of you ?” Sokka whispers. “Yes.” Zuko whispers back  running a soft finger across Sokka’s cheek , he leans into the touch. 

“Like it feels like you could just reach out and grab it.” Sokka adds looking between Zuko’s eyes and lips.  “Then reach out for it.” Zuko states.  Sokka gives him a slight nod and then his lips are on Zuko’s. The softness of his lips making Zuko’s heart stop for a moment , but he kisses him back and everything feels right even if just for a moment.  As they break apart ,  a small smile on both of their faces as they  look over each other. 

“If you keep kissing me like that I can’t promise that I won’t fall in love with you.” Zuko  laughs. Sokka smiles at him and his lips attach themselves to Zuko’s again , his stomach doing somersaults. This kiss deeper than the last taking the air out of Zuko’s lungs. 

“I want you.” Sokka whispers to him, and  Zuko’s breath catches before he nods in response moving to get out of the water. “I want you too.” He states as he pulls himself out.  The two make their way back towards Zuko’s apartment, stopping every so often to  share a kiss or a touch. As Zuko opens the door, he’s met  with Sokka pushing his back against the wall his lips locking with Zuko’s.  His  tongue begging to be granted entrance that Zuko gracefully allows . 

Sex is something Zuko knows, and it’s something Sokka knows as well, but the tenderness experienced while having sex with Sokka is not something Zuko knows. He knows  rough sex that has an agenda, not something that can make someone feel so loved. It's all kind words, soft fingers in his mouth, and gentle touches .  Zuko finds himself wanting to blurt out I love you’s throughout the whole experience .

As the  early  night sky littered with stars that feel as though they shine just for the two of them  makes its way through Zuko’s bedroom window he lays next to Sokka’s sleeping figure , running gentle fingers over his back.  The  softness of it all lulling him to sleep. 

Zuko shoots awake when he hears noises coming from his living room, he checks the time on his phone  _ 3:00 a.m.  _ it reads. He gets up to inspect finding Sokka straightening up his living room. 

“I didn’t know the fire lord was coming over.” Zuko laughs from the doorway. “What are you doing?” 

“I got restless sorry.” He chuckles awkwardly.  “It’s okay it looks nice.” Zuko replies as he walks towards Sokka, stopping in his tracks as his eyes land on a few photographs of him and his father from when he was young, his stomach turning sour. 

“Where did you find these?” Zuko asks turning to  pick them up. 

“In that  cabinet.” Sokka replies. Zuko picks up the few photographs resisting the urge to vomit. “Have you thought that maybe they were there for a reason?”  Zuko replies turning to look at him.  Sokka’s face drops slightly at his response. 

“I-“ 

“I want you to leave okay?” Zuko states. 

“Wait, I thought  we were having something?” Sokka asks. 

“ Me too, but for now I want you to leave please.” Zuko replies trying to hold back hot tears.  Sokka nods once and leaves back to his place. Zuko only screams when he thinks Sokka is far enough down the hall , the disgraceful tears falling and landing on the picture frames. 

“I hate you I hate you so fucking much.” He whispers as he shoves the photos back into their hiding place.  All Zuko can do is call his sister, half expecting her to ignore his call. 

“Zuko?” Her sleepy voice answers. 

“Can I talk to you please?” He  says. 

“What’s the matter?” She asks. He lays the story of the evening onto her to fill her in, she listens sometimes giving little hums in response. 

“ Zuko you do realize that he was just trying to be nice?”  Azula states. 

“He had no right-“ He begins but is unable to finish before she cuts him off, “It’s not his fault, he doesn’t even know about dad you’ve hardly told him anything .” 

“How did you forgive dad?” He asks. “ I don’t think I have I’ve just  salted the earth  of his memory so I can have my sanity.”  She responds. 

“I don’t know if I can do that,  our experiences were so different.” He states earning a scoff from Azula. “Zuko, I’m not going to do this tit for tat abuse thing with you. You don’t have a monopoly on  daddy issues and abuse.” She sighs. “Goodnight, Zuko.” She adds  and hangs up the phone. Zuko let’s out a sigh, he reaches for his pack of cigarettes to find them empty. 

“Fuck.” He whispers and puts on his shoes  to go to Gyatso’s, maybe Aang could offer him something. As Zuko enters into the cool night air , he’s met with something he wasn’t prepared to see. Across the street, he makes direct eye contact with a 13-year-old him prepared for his Agni Kai with his father. He chokes at the sight, the young version of him raises a hand towards him  and he can feel his chest tighten before the world goes black. The next thing he knows, he’s back in Ty Lee’s pink bathroom. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo only one more chapter after this one! this one is pretty short, i just want to say thank you all so much for the kudos and comments luv u

Zuko was neither a happy child nor an unhappy one, he was a complacent child . He did everything he was ever told to do because he feared  his fathers hand more than anything else. He can remember being a child and his mother telling him that when he was born he cried for a whole twenty-four hours, and he felt  himself flinch at the thought, he had learned that tears from a boy meant his father's firm  hand against his face. Shame and guilt washing over his body when she told the story especially when she would then state that Azula was silent when she was born, she simply locked eyes with Ursa but didn’t make a sound. 

When reflecting on his childhood, he found that he was blissfully unaware of the actions of his father and the Fire Nation , how his father would never include him  in  anything, but told Azula everything about how to run a nation . He’ll always remember the fateful winter morning when he begged and begged to be allowed to attend a planning meeting with the heads of state at only thirteen year old. This was a day that changed him forever, in that meeting he learned two things : the Fire Nation was running a fascist regime , but at the time he didn’t understand what that meant he only knew that it was bad, and he learned  exactly what stepping out of line would look like for him. 

When a military general stated that there was a plan to  bring in more soldiers to tighten up the colonization efforts in the Earth Nation colonies  as well as the push for using military force to  establish the pipelines in the water tribes Zuko felt his stomach flip. He had never known the actions taken  to expand the Fire Nations rule, but when he learned it was brutal violence h is conscience worked faster than his need to be complacent. 

“You can’t do that!  It’ll kill innocent people!” A thirteen-year-old Zuko shouted from his spot at the table. The room fell deathly silent until his father broke it by simply hissing Zuko’s name.  Zuko’s hands began to shake at the tone of voice his father used, he knew he would feel the sting of his father's hand on his cheek tonight. 

“For your disobedience and  disrespect, you will be expected to  complete an Agni Kai.” His father stated in the same tone of voice as before. 

“Fine.” Zuko turned his nose up,  he figured he could take the general in a fight he swore he was really improving in his fire bending.  Zuko left the room and waited until it was time for him to fight,  running through several katas in the courtyard. 

As he stood in the are na he did not feel afraid, he would not be ashamed to  speak on what was right, how would he ever be  Firelord someday ? When his contender  entered the arena Zuko stood tall until he saw that he was to be fighting his father, not a nameless general.  He felt his hands begin to shake in the same way that they did before he knew his father would punish him. 

“No! I’m sorry father, I don’t want to fight you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He cried as he fell to his knees, begging his father for the forgiveness he knew deep down he would never receive. 

“Get up!” Ozai shouted at him, but he refused to and stayed on the floor crying and begging.  He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, believing that his father had decided to grant him mercy instead until his father spoke. 

“ You  _ will  _ learn respect,  and suffering will be your teacher.” He spits as he brought his hand to Zuko’s face, his screams drowning out his thoughts until he passed out on the floor.  When he awoke a bandage over his right eye and a muffled sound in his ear he was given the news that he was no longer welcome in his own home . He cried , a truly dishonorable cry when he was told that he was being disowned, and he continued to cry for days until he was in Ba Sing Se with his uncle . Eventually, his tears dried out, and all the was left was hatred, but more so impenetrable guilt that followed him into his adult life.

No matter what he did, how much he drank, how many different drugs he did,  how much he avoided it that fateful day at thirteen years old lived with him forever even after his father's  dishonorable death. That day leading directly to the moment he was living in now, staring at himself in Ty Lee’s bathroom, a  burning feeling of bile climbing up his throat that made its way out as he hunched himself over the toilet . He tried to hold back tears, but they fell anyway. 

He splashed cold water  over his face before he exited the bathroom. “There’s the birthday boy!” Ty Lee shouted, and he tried desperately to not flinch. 

“You okay?” Azula whispered to him. He shook his head slightly before stating, “I’m thinking about him.”  She put a slender hand on his back. 

“Here Zu, have some of this.” Mai stated handing over the joint. “It’s laced with coke like they do in Ba Sing Se.” 

“I’m okay for right now.” He replies pushing it awa y.  He zones out of the conversation , his mind drifting to the young version of himself staring him down from across the street, his knees threatening to give out. He pulled out  of his thoughts as he hears someone say his name and he turns around to be face to face with Sokka. He walks over to him and they both begin to speak at the same. 

“I’m so sorry.” They say simultaneously. 

“No, don’t apologize. I’m sorry for being a huge dick when you were just trying to be nice.” Zuko states. 

“Don’t , I’m sorry I really shouldn’t have been messing with your things, you have every right to be mad.” Sokka replies. 

“I’m not mad I swear. It was unfair of me to get upset when you  don’t even know my shit. Those pictures were taken right before my life changed drastically.” 

“How so?” Sokka asks.  So Zuko tells him, he tells him the story of the Agni Kai, of learning of the crimes of his nation, and Sokka nods  stating he remembers the push for the pipelines.  He remembers the protests and the  fighting, and he remembers his mother losing her life protecting her children during this time.  Zuko speaks on the abuse not only he experienced, but his sister as  well , and the constant  guilt he feels for being disobedien t, his guilt for always  downplaying Azula’s pain, and his shame for  his father’s death. 

“You do know it’s not your fault right?” Sokka states, mild concern in his voice as Zuko finishes his speaking. 

“I do, it took me damn near a decade to figure it out, but I do know.” 

“Good . I  finally figured out how I died the first time.” Sokka says, and Zuko motions for him to speak. “I, uh,  went to the roof to breathe after our fight and it came back to me. Zuko, I jumped, that’s how it all started.” 

Zuko stares at him for a moment before saying, “Out of the two of us I wouldn’t have expected it to be you.” 

“Spirits!” Sokka  exclaims shoving Zuko’s shoulder. 

“Please, I just told you that whole tragic backstory, let me  joke a little.” Zuko laughs and Sokka just shakes his head. 

“I was thinking if we die again let’s meet up at  Gyatso’s instead ? By the way, how did you die the last time?” Sokka asks. 

“I think I had a heart attack.” Zuko replies. 

“Yeah, I had something internal too, I think it was maybe my liver?”  Sokka says. “I was thinking last night, but there's got to be several timelines where our loved ones our mourning our deaths. We need to figure this out, I can’t let my sister have any more family members die young.” He adds. Zuko thinks for a moment, of Azula, his uncle, Mai, Ty Lee, even  Aang mourning for him.

“I feel like I need t o get the fuck out of here Socks , but I’m a little bit terrified to step outside.” Zuko states his body shaking. 

“What's the matter?” Sokka asks. 

“Besides the obvious,  I saw myself before I died.” 

“Like in the mirror?” Sokka asks. 

“No, I saw myself as a child. He was staring me down from across the street.”  Zuko replies. 

“This keeps getting weirder and weirder.” Sokka laughs. “Might as well try our luck?” 

Zuko gives him a nod  and they make their exit through the fire escape, Zuko still mildly scared of the stairs he met his fate on several times.  When they get to the street Zuko checks his surroundings hoping to not meet the fear-filled amber eyes he knows so well.  The coast seems clear until it’s not, the two make it less than a block before he sees himself at the end of the street. 

“He’s here.” Zuko chokes. 

“I don’t see anything.”  Sokka replies. 

“Please don’t think I’m crazy.” Zuko’s voice shakes . The younger version of himself  acknowledges him and all Zuko processes is the feeling of falling .  When he comes to in the bathroom, he wastes no time to shoot out into the living room. 

“Zuko, are you okay?” Ty Lee asks clearly worried. 

“I gotta – I gotta go. I have to meet someone at the corner store.” He states. 

“Are you  using psychedelics again?” Mai asks . 

“No. No. I have to go, will you come with me?” He asks the three girls sitting at the counter. 

“Right now?” Azula asks. 

“Please.” Zuko pleads. “I’m scared.” 

“Okay. Okay. Yeah let’s go.” she replies concern coating her voice.  “I’ll go with him, you two can stay.” 

“No fuck that.” Mai states standing  up. “We’re going with you.” The three girls follow Zuko as he takes them out through the  fire escape. 

“How was that any safer?” Ty Lee asks as she brushes herself off. 

“Just trust me it is.” Zuko tells her.  The girls work to match his  breakneck pace as he tails it to  Gyatso’s . 

“Zuko,” Azula states but he doesn’t answer. “Zuko! Slow down what the fuck is going on?” She grabs his arm pulling him to a stop. 

“I’m so close to figuring it out I swear I am.” He answers her and she looks even more confused. “I have to meet my friend at the store we’re trying to figure this out together.” 

“Who?  Aang ?” Mai asks. 

“No.  Katara’s brother, Sokka.” He answers, the light from  the store  coming into view. 

“Since when did you know her brother?” Ty Lee interjects. 

“ Not long, but it feels like forever.” He replies turning to look at her. 

“Zuko. Are you sure you’re okay? It feels like your talking in riddles, just tell me what’s going on please!” Azula exclaims. 

“I \- I can’t. If I did I don’t think you’d understand .” 

She scoffs in  response but doesn’t try again, she stays silent even as he pulls open the door locking eyes with Sokka. 

“Thank the spirits you’re here.” Sokka states . “You brought everyone, huh?” 

“I got scared. ” Zuko whispers. 

“Is this  Katara’s brother?” Mai interjects. 

“Yeah, he is .”  Katara answers from behind the counter. The two girls move easily into conversation with each other,  Ty Lee joining in with ease,  but all Azula can do is watch Zuko . 

“I swear we’re near the end I really do, I don’t know how many more we can take before it’s really over.” Sokka  states. 

Zuko nods as his eyes scan the store feeling more paranoid than ever looking for the young version of himself . 

“I think I know what I need to let go of.” Sokka tells him and Zuko looks at him in response . He moves to begin walking down aisles, Sokka and Azula following behind him closely until he stops dead in his tracks because there he stands at the end of the aisle. 

“Zuko, what is it?” Azula asks but Zuko can’t speak he can only stand frozen as the boy walks closer to him , hands trembling in the way they always did when he was young. As he stands face to face with himself the young boy takes Zuko’s face in his hands and stares him in the eyes .  He moves his hand over his scarred eyes and states, “Let go  of m e” before he disappears as abruptly as he appeared. 

Zuko turns to  look at the two behind him, his head spinning before both he and Sokka begin convulsing, screams from  everyone in the store begin erupting. Yet, all Zuko can hear is the voice of his childhood self in his head as he feels a weight leave his shoulders as he lets himself let go of his childhood fear, and the overwhelming guilt he has for his disobedience, and most importantly the ever-present forceful hand of his father.  As everything goes dark  he feels something he doesn’t think he’s ever felt, maybe it’s peace. 

When he wakes up in the bathroom again, he’s no longer scared . He knows he’s reached the end. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo we made it! thank you everyone for coming along this ride with me :-) the vibe for this chapter is very much so Triptych by Samia

Zuko turns off the running tap water from the sink and looks at himself in the mirror, he swears it feels like a clean slate.  He takes in a deep breath as he leaves the bathroom and makes a b-line for his friends. 

“There’s the birthday boy!” Ty Lee exclaims and Zuko smiles at her. 

“How are you feeling birthday boy?” Azula chuckles. 

“I, uh, actually feel really great. I’m happy, I’m alive and I love all of you so much.” He replies as he engulfs his sister in a hug, she stands rigid for a moment at the  sudden contact but hugs him back. 

“We love you, too.” Mai smiles handing him over the joint, “It’s laced with coke like in Ba Sing Se.” 

“I’m okay, thank you, I think I’m going to go sober for a little while.”  He replies. Mai gives him a look and places a hand on his forehead. “You don’t have a fever, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m good, I swear . I’m going to head out for a minute, I  forgot something at home.” Zuko answers. 

“Boo! It’s your party, you can’t skip out.” Mai  replies. 

“I’ll come back.” He laughs and heads towards the door, taking the stairs carefully out to the street and high tails it to his building in search of Sokka.  Little does he know that at the same time Sokka is sitting in  Suki’s living room . 

“I want to make this quick because I need to find someone, but I know why I’m here, and you’re right. We have grown apart, and it’s okay.  There will always be a part of me that loves you  Suki , but you’re right I need to be honest and truthful with myself and be willing to explore my sexuality, and I want you to as well. I know how you look at  Maka from the studio and I want you to have that.” Sokka  spills to  Suki . 

“I- oh wow that was easy.” She laughs. “ I love you and I only want what’s best for you, and I know that is not me anymore.” 

“I’ve learned so many things while being with you, and I’m so grateful for everything we’ve had.  Thank you for having been a part of my life.” Sokka states as he stands up and kisses her forehead.  “Now I have to go and try to find this boy.” 

“ Good luck.” She smiles. “I love you too.” 

He gives her a genuine smile as he makes his way to leave before stating,  “Call her, make new experiences.”  As he leaves her apartment, finally getting the breakup right.  Sokka thinks to himself that in order to find Zuko he needs to go to Mai’s party so he books it, neither man knowing that this night will be the wild goose chase of a lifetime to find each other. 

As Zuko walks towards the crosswalk that will lead him to his building a small orange  figure catches his attention. 

“ Druk !” He exclaims, and the cat looks at him  and begins meowing as he walks towards Zuko. “I’m so happy I finally found you.” He adds picking the cat up  as the crosswalk sign indicates he can go. He litters the cat's small, orange head with kisses as  Druk purrs in response.  Zuko makes sure his first stop is his own home so he can drop  Druk off. 

“I’m going to find Sokka,” He states as he places  Druk down by his food bowl, “So don’t you dare leave again, I’ll see you tonight. I love you.” 

The cat looks at him and makes a small noise that Zuko takes as confirmation that he will not leave. As he locks the door he runs up the flight of stairs that leads to Sokka’s floor.  He bounces on the balls of his feet as he knocks on the door. 

“Fuck.” He whispers to himself and bangs on the door harder, but still no answer. “Fuck!”  He steps away from the door. “Damn it Sokka, why couldn’t you have made this easy on me.” He  sighs  as he decides to try the corner store.  When he steps out into the evening air, the sun is beginning to set, the landscape reminding him of the night he spent with Sokka, he has to find him. 

A couple of blocks away Sokka is walking into Mai’s apartment, eyes scanning the room for Zuko, but instead landing on Azula. 

“Hey, um, is Zuko here?” He asks and she darts around in her chair to look at him. 

“Shit, you scared me,  no he left a few minutes ago, said something about needing to get something from his place, you can wait here for him.” She answers. 

“Thanks, Azula.” 

She furrows her brows before replying, “Do I know you?” 

“Sort of. We met once, I’m Sokka.” He tells her, it’s true they have met just that only Sokka and Zuko would remember it. 

“Was I drunk?” She asks. He laughs before saying, “It’s possible. ” She chuckles in response. 

“Oh, Zuko wanted me to tell you something, and I’m sure he’ll tell you on his own one day but, he wants you to know that he understands the abuse you both faced is no different, and he knows your suffering.” Sokka tells her recalling the  last conversation he and Zuko had in this same living room. 

A stunned expression glides across her face  before she answers, “He told you that?” Sokka nods in response. “ Thank you for telling me that. It means a lot it really does.” She smiles.  As Zuko darts down the streets of Republic City Azula and Sokka share their first heartfelt conversation of many that will come in the future. 

As Zuko pushes open the door the chimes go off indicating someone has entered the store catching  Aang’s attention. 

“Hey, Zuko!” He beams.  “Happy birthday my friend!” 

“Thanks,  Aang . Oh, I found  Druk by the way.” Zuko smiles. 

“Yay, I’m so happy. I knew he’d show up.” 

“Hey, is Sokka here, or has he come by?” Zuko asks. “You know Sokka?”  Aang replies. “No, he hasn’t but I’m sure he will. I can definitely let you know if does though.” 

“Damn. Okay, thanks so much.” Zuko replies. 

“Wait, maybe check by his girlfriend  Suki’s , I know he said he was going over there tonight .” 

Suki’s ! Of course, why hasn’t he thought of that.  “You’re right, I’ll head by her place.” 

“Wait, you never told me how you knew Sokka.”  Aang states. 

“We live in the same building , that’s how we met.” Not necessarily a lie, but also not the true truth. 

“Good luck with your search! I’ll text you if he comes by.”  Aang calls as Zuko goes to leave the store.  Zuko walks the streets as he tries to remember the path Sokka took him on the other day to the big  Kyoshi Warriors gym.  The last interaction he had with  Suki was less than perfect, but lucky for him she won’t remember it. 

In Mai’s apartment,  Sokka stands at the counter talking to the girls, mainly with Azula as she laments about the lack of relationship she and Zuko had as children while Mai and Ty Lee share stories about the two siblings.  “ I have to go try and find him, but I’m happy I got to talk to you.” He states. 

“Why not just wait for him here?” Mai asks. 

“Because I don’t think he thinks I’m here.” He laughs. “When I find him I’ll come back. ” 

“Wait, don’t tell Zuko I’m doing this but-“ Before she finishes her statement she pulls him into a quick hug. “He’s lucky to have a friend like you.” 

“Thanks, Azula. He’s lucky to have you, all of you.” He smiles  before he leaves. His plan is to check with  Aang first to see if Zuko’s stopped by, and if he’s lucky he’ll already be at Gyatso’s. As he walks the streets he thinks of all the conversations he’s had with Zuko on the same paths , he can’t believe there’s ever been a time in his life where  Zuko wasn’t in it.  As he’s lost in his thoughts he almost walks past the glowing neon sign for the corner store. 

“Sokka!”  Aang calls as he walks in. “Just the man I was looking for.” 

“Oh? Are you finally leaving  Katara for me?” He asks batting his eyelashes. 

“You fucking wish!”  Katara calls from the back office. 

“No, Zuko was just in here looking for you. I told him I’d text him if you came by.”  Aang says as he pulls his phone out and begins typing.  A few seconds pass before  Aang states, “He’s on his way.” 

Zuko can’t believe that he managed to find himself  at  Suki’s house, but he’s even more shocked as he knocks on her apartment door. When the door swings open  he’s met with the same intense eyes he remembered from before. 

“Can I help you?” She asks. 

“Sorry, is Sokka here?” 

“No, he left a little bit ago . Why? Is he okay?” She asks again. 

“Oh yeah. he’s fine, I’m just a friend of his.” Zuko states. 

She scans over him and he can feel himself  getting nervous under her gaze. “Are you the one he’s trying to find?” She asks. 

“Yes. I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” 

“I know you guys were together, I don’t want to step on your toes or anything.” He tells her. 

“I promise. You’re not stepping on my toes .” She laughs. Before he can answer he feels his phone go off and pulls it out to see a text from  Aang letting him know Sokka is there. 

“I’m so sorry I have to go. It was nice meeting you.” He calls as he  runs down the stairs, she holds up a hand in response. “Fucking weird.” She whispers to herself as she closes the door to her apartment , a smiling  Maka on her couch. 

Zuko finds himself running, no sprinting down the streets back to the corner store.  His chest heaving, small sparks leaving his mouth as he breathes heavy.  He doubles over when he gets to a crosswalk with the red hand raised, maybe once upon a time he would have ran through anyways, but he’s learned his lesson about testing death.

“I’ve bee n  looking for you all night.” He states as he enters the store for the second time that evening. 

“Me, too.” Sokka replies giving him a small smile and engulfing him in a hug.  “We did it. We fucking did it.” 

“I know. What did you let go of?”  Zuko asks. 

“My preconceived need to be a ‘man’ with a wife and children , and instead let myself be open and honest for once.” He answers running a hand through the hair pulled tight into his usual wolf tail. 

“I let go of my father and everything he stood for within myself. I swear I’ve never felt so light ” Zuko chuckles.  Zuko catches himself looking down the aisle they found the mselves letting these things go in. Half wondering if he’d see that young version of himself again and if maybe  that young boy would  be proud of himself. 

“Let’s get out of here.” Sokka says and Zuko agrees, the two giving quick goodbyes to  Katara  and  Aang . 

“Promise me you won’t get hit by any more cars.” Sokka says as they enter the night. 

“And you promise me you won’t  hurt yourself, please,” Zuko replies. A silence falling over then momentarily before Sokka breaks it. “How do I know that I’ll never feel that empty and alone again?” 

Zuko waits for a beat before answering, “You don’t, but I can promise you one thing. You’ll never be alone.”  He pulls Sokka’s hand into his own giving it a tight squeeze.  Before Zuko can process what’s happening Sokka’s lips are on his, that  familiar warmth they carry.  The world around them fades as they continuing kissing until they pull away for air. 

“ You know I was talking to your sister when I was looking for you.” Sokka states as he slings an arm around Zuko’s shoulder as they walk down the street. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“She loves you, she really does.” He laughs.

“I know she does, one day we’ll get better at telling each other.  . ” Zuko replies.

“Let’s go  celebrate your fucking birthday.” Sokka states  as Mai’s building comes into sight.  So they do,  the two men laugh and smile  together all night and for the first time in years, Zuko is so happy to be alive, to feel the air in his lungs, to hear the laugh of his friends, and to have the lips of a beautiful boy against his lips . The feeling of happiness follows the two throughout the night, and even as they  find themselves asleep in Zuko’s bed, bodies pressed up against each with  Dru k purring at their feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! you can find me on tumblr at coffingrrrl :-)


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